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What is Frustration and Anger?

That’s discipline, and that’s okay. We all live within the same set of physical and social rules, and discipline is a part of the learning process. We are taught that it’s okay to be angry, what to do with your anger, and what not to do. We learn when and why it is acceptable to be angry and what the consequences may be too.

Anger. The most visible side of frustration is anger. To understand anger, we have to understand that anger expression is a learned behaviour. When we’re very young, we haven’t learned how to restrict our emotions yet. If we’re hungry, we get angry. We’re a little baby. If we’re happy, we laugh.

We don’t care if other people are around. Around the age of sixteen months or so, we just begin to learn that we can’t always have our needs met, that we can’t always get what we want. A very significant development happens at the same time or shortly thereafter.

This is when we’re socialized. We’re taught that it’s okay to get angry once in a while, and then mom, or dad, or our older sister, or even the nice neighbour says “That’s enough anger, knock it off; stop it.”

Frustration. When we are frustrated, we are upset, angry, irritated, and annoyed that we couldn’t get what we want. We can become frustrated when we want something and can’t get it, or we want something and can’t keep it.

We become frustrated when we believe that something is preventing us from achieving the goals we have set for ourselves.

Defining Frustration and Anger

When frustration is felt, a person is responding to a block, or intent to block, by someone or something. Usually, the response is anger, a feeling of annoyance or antagonism. Sometimes it is a far more powerful barrier to progress, an atmosphere of hostility, an estrangement, a temper tantrum, an act of revenge – it warps words, strains and tears relationships.

As parents, the complex strife of the human condition is multiplied by the many emotions, needs, and motivations of each family member. Frustration and anger hurt us as well as our teenagers at times. Helping your teenager cope with these strong emotions is a valuable and necessary life skill – for him and us!

Frustration and anger are completely normal, just like life’s many other emotions, and learning to deal with them effectively is a positive step toward maintaining good mental health. A certain level of frustration is actually helpful, as it can be the stimulus for hard work and achievement.

And learning to deal with anger is important also, since it can indicate a person’s beliefs and the ability to stand up for them.

Causes and Triggers are Real

Power Discrepancy:

Individuals may feel angry if they perceive a situation to be unfair or if they feel their power being taken away. No one likes to be made a passive victim. Keck & Berne (1967) explained that “If we are carrying out the plans of others, then we are contributing to the success of their script rather than our own.

That then deprives us of much of the energy for our self-worth and increases the risk of feeling empty or depressed. That is why requests for cooperation can be irritating.”

Wounding: Feeling personally hurt and feeling victimized can lead individuals to want to hurt others. On the other hand, if you hurt others or make them suffer, it can help individuals feel much better as it relieves the pain of being wounded.

Emotional Pain: Aggression can be triggered by emotional pain. The contrasting behaviour, the tough exterior, often serves as a protective mechanism. Sometimes it is easier to show anger than to reveal our vulnerabilities and to be seen as being weak or to be labelled as a “baby.”

Anger and frustration stem from many different sources and influences. Each individual might respond differently and with varying levels of anger and frustration to the influences that cause them to react.

The situation and the historical context behind a person’s reactions is what clinicians and therapists aim to uncover in order to help individuals understand where the anger comes from. Below is an overview of potential causes that could lead to anger and frustration.

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