Content Warning / Educational Disclaimer: This article post contains sensitive topics and reflects A Students opinions for informational purposes only.

Maternal depression is a well-known mental health concern that affects both, mum’s and their families.  It shows by persistent sadness, fatigue, irritability and feelings of guilt, often caused by internal or external pressures to meet unrealistic ideals of motherhood.

The Shadow as defined by Carl Jung, is the collection of repressed traits, emotions and desires, that an individual hides from their conscious self. In mum’s these often include anger, resentment or unfulfilled desires, which conflicts with expectations of selfless parenting.

By confronting and integrating the shadow, a depressed mum can achieve self-acceptance, heal inner conflicts and find a more peaceful way of being.

Thesis below presents a scenario using of shadow theory in counselling a depressed mum, while examining the process, challenges and outcomes.

Iris is a 52 years young mum of three children, aged 34. 33 and 17. She has been experiencing symptoms of depression for 7 years, including persistent sadness, mental and physical exhaustion and anger. Iris doesn’t seem to be interested in anything or anyone. She feels unfulfilled in her personal life and often is short tempered with her youngest child who still lives at home, by being short tempered and abusive.

She struggles to own the responsibility as a parent.

Iris sought counselling after her youngest child started self-harming, as discovered by her teacher. Iris felt humiliated by her child’s behaviour, she described feeling lonely and trapped, expressing a deep sense of resentment towards her other children and ex-husband, for wanting nothing to do with her, and anger at herself for pushing everyone away with her selfishness and ways she was, she felt at a breaking point, unable to find the answers why her life has panned out the way it has.

Therapeutic goals were set –

Explore and identify Iris’s shadow aspects.

Help Iris confront and process repressed emotions.

Support Iris in integrating these shadow aspects into her identity.

Empower Iris to redefine motherhood and her identity.

For Iris, her shadow included suppressed anger at her ex-husband, resentment towards her children and a wish for personal freedom, all of which conflict with her image of the ‘Perfect mum’.

The shadow grows stronger and more disruptive when ignored, often resulting in depression, emotional outbursts and conflicts.

The first step in Iris’s therapy involved creating a safe space, nonjudgmental place where she could share her thoughts and emotions.

Me as a counsellor used empathic listening and validation to help Iris feel understood. In early sessions Iris expressed feelings of guilt for not experiencing her own expectations of motherhood, I did explain that many mums’ struggle with similar challenges, what helped Iris feel less isolated.

The next step focused on uncovering Iris’s shadow, using guided reflection, it helped her explore her emotions and desires she has suppressed, those included – Journaling – Iris was encouraged to write about moments of frustration or loneliness. As well as any thoughts or feelings she looked at as unacceptable. This revealed recurring themes, such as resentment towards her Ex husband and guilt for blaming her children for loving and wanting their dad in their lives.

One thing she said truly grabbed my attention, she expressed that she came from a broken family, where connection between herself and her dad after parents breakup, fizzled out and she felt unloved, unheard or needed by her dad, in my mind straight away it rang bells, can it be she has all this anger towards her ex-husband and children, because she is hiding in her shadow, fact she is jealous of her children still having a good connection with their dad, is she angry because she thinks and over years has forbidden herself of sharing her hurt, out of fear of being rejected.

Dream analysis – Iris shared a recurring dream in which she was running towards her dad, chased by a shadow figure. Me as a counsellor I helped her translate this as a manifestation of her repressed emotions, especially her fear of her anger towards her own dad, she told me her dad left her mum when she was a teenager, and he chose a different partner with a child what in her mind wasn’t acceptable behaviour, so all affection went to his new family, and Iris felt the pain of loneliness and need of him in her life, what led to a realisation deep down she was carrying anger from her and her dads connection into her marriage, by unconsciously having a scenario in her mind that all men do that and her now ex-husband wouldn’t be exception.

Project work – I guided Iri’s in exploring how her judgements of others reflected her own unconscious traits. For example, Iris blamed her Ex-husband for being selfish, which pointed out to her own suppressed desire for independence. She blamed him for not putting enough effort into their marriage, what led to a realisation she never spoke up of her needs, she let their marriage fizzle out,

deep down knowing that something must change, but chose to stay silent as it meant busier.

Once Iris’s shadow aspects were identified, I supported her in confronting these repressed emotions and desires. This stage asked Iris to acknowledge and process feelings she had long avoided.

Iris engaged in a role-playing task, where she expressed her anger towards her ex-husband in a controlled environment. This allowed her to release stored emotions without fear of judgement. She finally spoke up, and was able to express all her anger she has stored for years in regards to her own dad, she came to a realisation that she was projecting his behaviour onto her ex, that we are all individuals and we are led by our own life experiences, traumas and judgements, not all people are the same, we all behave in our own ways, and instead of having a dialogue in her head with her shadow of what’s acceptable or not she needs to keep open dialogue with people around her, she can speak up and share her thoughts, it’s safe to be without a fear of judgement or confrontation.

Next, we tried inner dialogue, using active imagination Iris imagined a conversation with her shadow self. Through this task she discovered that her anger stemmed from unmet needs for support and feeling unloved by her own dad. After we tried reframing negative emotions, I helped Iris reframe her anger and resentment as natural responses to an imbalance in her life, rather than signs of personal failure. With inner dialogue, she was able to understand that, whatever she went through as a child is not same scenario her children are living, she was able to fully understand that her husband never abandoned his children, didn’t leave them for someone else, and it is safe for their connection, she was able to realise we all have different life experiences, and she can forgive and let go anger she experienced as a child, and let their children be open and blessed for having both parents in their lives.

The final phase of therapy involved integrating Iris’s shadow aspects into her conscious identity, this allowed her to move towards more self-awareness and emotional healing. I encouraged self-acceptance, I helped her to understand that all she feels is valid, I guided her to understand she can express her shadow in healthy ways by exercising, self-care, communication. Instead of seeing her depression as a weakness, I helped her view it as part of her human experience, that she can be a good mum and still have frustrations.

After handful of sessions Iris and I did notice reduction in her depressive symptoms, she felt calmer and experienced more energy in her day-to-day life, by accepting and understanding her shadow, she managed to climb out of a victim mode, what improved her relationships with her children and ex-husband. These sessions and study confirm that shadow work is a powerful counselling tool for helping depressed mums integrate repressed emotions, leading to lasting healing.

Author S Bauze.

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