Why Do Other People Trigger Us? A Jungian Perspective on Your Shadow

Educational Disclaimer: This article discusses sensitive educational concepts and training topics. It is provided by Open College UK Limited for informational purposes only and does not replace professional medical or psychological advice.

Why do certain people wind us up so much?

For those of you that don’t know, you have shadows! You carry and live with shadows deep within yourself!

Other people receive the sting of your shadow though projection and you also receive the same back.

Psychologically speaking, this shadow projection originates in the projector which is you. Then the other person reacts to an accusation, criticism, hostility, contempt or behaviour and so on.

Social psychology argues that large scale conflicts often involve collective forms of projection where unwanted traits or qualities are applied to another group which is then viewed as dangerous evil, inferior or threatening.

Jungian Projection

Projection can be a tiny pinprick of next to nothing or it can be a burning fire, as the mechanism is exactly the same. The Intensity, duration of it, and consequences are what varies.

When people project unresolved feelings onto other people, those people can sometimes end up carrying the sting of those projections by reacting to, and in some cases begin to identify with them. In effect another person has unknowingly and unconsciously placed pain onto you and you have unknowingly received it.

According to Carl Jung your shadow consists of the parts of yourself that you, suppress and deny, fail to recognise and these hidden parts do not disappear. They reappear in other formats or in other words, other ways to express themselves.

Without realising it, we attribute certain motives, emotions, or characteristics onto other people. We become irritated by traits that we struggle to acknowledge in ourselves and they unconsciously become placed onto other people and if you react to it, then egg on your face for not knowing what just occurred. We do this because we cannot comfortably face things in our own minds. You owe it to yourself to learn about this especially if you’re deeply affected by others behaviours!

All of this happens outside of conscious awareness, beneath your radar. And just as we project our shadows onto other people, other people are doing the same back to us and we find ourselves receiving at the end of another’s accusations, assumptions, criticisms and their emotional reactions, that have little to do with who we actually are.

And this is one of the main reasons human relationships become so complicated because there is more taking place beneath the surface then either realises.

Jung believed this was not something to fear but something to understand and that the stronger the emotional reaction in you, can help you to understand whether the experience is revealing something not only about the other person but also about ourselves.

In deep psychology work!

In deep psychology work the fact that you are reacting to someone so strongly when you did nothing wrong is a good indication of what is subconsciously lying inside you. Their behaviour and actions or their treatment towards you can be very helpful, especially if you’re doing inner shadow work or inner healing work, as you use them has the teacher.

This is what shadows do!

Every one of us have experienced them!

You first meet someone and for no reason you cannot fully explain it but they irritate the hell out of you almost immediately. They seem arrogant, needy, selfish, controlling or attention seeking and you find yourself criticising their behaviour and you wonder why this particular person gets under your skin so much when others don’t.

According to the Swiss Psychiatrist Carl Jung, the answer may not lie in the other person but inside you and this is something you probably have never looked at because it hurts so much, it causes pain---so we do it to the other person instead.

For example, someone who sees themselves as very kind and endlessly serves others may have already suppressed feelings of anger or assertiveness and another person who values humility may reject this and their success. So over time these unwanted aspects do not disappear, instead, they become part of your shadow.

Jung said that we often recognise our shadows very clearly when we encounter it in another person which is a quality that we strongly dislike or strongly like and may sometimes reflect something we have difficulty accepting within ourselves hence the title of this article - Why Do People Trigger Us?

Why Do People Trigger Us?

It’s important to know that not every criticism is a projection or that other people’s behaviour is not problematic, as some people can be really selfish or manipulative for other real reasons. For this reason, unusually strong emotional reactions are worth examining and exploring deeper especially if they are affecting your social interactions and the quality of your own life.

Think of someone who becomes intensely irritated by confident people and on the surface, they may believe they just dislike arrogant people, however upon close inspection they may discover that they have spent years suppressing their own confidence or avoiding opportunities to stand out for them. What they are reacting to may not only be the other persons behaviour but also the disowned part of themselves which went underground or in other words was held back subconsciously.

The exact same thing can happen with positive qualities where we might like or admire someone enormously because they embody strength, creativity, and courage that which we have not recognised in ourselves, so in this sense the shadow is not only what we dislike in ourselves but it can also contain hidden potential. Subconsciously the mind doesn’t know the difference between positive and negative, it just reacts to stored or learnt information that gets stacked up from the experiences we have in life.

How to test your shadow?

Get yourself prepared so you don’t overly react and the next time you encounter someone who produces strong reactions within you. Ask the question, why does this affect me so much? And the answer may reveal something about your own belief structure including your fears, your desires and unresolved conflicts. These questions can act as a doorway opening to memories and feelings or thoughts you haven’t dealt with.

From Jung’s viewpoint personal growth and self-development was never about becoming a perfect person, it was about becoming more whole person, a more authentic person and specifically recognising the parts of ourselves that have been sent into the background or suppressed.

The next time someone triggers a powerful emotional reaction in you, when you feel anger, or ready for a confrontation. It may be worth using that moment to consider that this experience is telling you something about yourself and that you can use that person to be your teacher in improving yourself.

Consult with a therapist or professional such as a qualified psychologist before undertaking any shadow work or subconscious work.

Disclaimer
This article is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Do not make any changes to medication, treatment, or care based on this information without first consulting your GP, doctor, or qualified healthcare professional. The content is intended as general information and may not be suitable for every individual or situation.

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