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There are two ways that stalking is often perceived, the first way is an angry or broken-hearted partner who engages in a persistent pursuance of the loss of that relationship such as excessive telephone calls, e-mails and surprise appearances on the street out in public and will not take no for an answer.

And the second version of stalking is a serious menacing and threatening pursuance or constant threat to safety with an overall sense that the stalker has serious mental health issues.

Both versions of stalking are the same and mustn’t be underestimated.

As a matter of urgency, you’re first port of call is to cease all engagement with the stalker irrespective of who they are and what involvement in relationship they had with you previously.

You must refrain from all forms of contact and communication.

It is also important to share the stalking experience with all your family and friends which will naturally and understandably evoke a strong sense of concern with the need to offer you protection advice and guidance.

And understandably sharing of this with others will produce an awareness that your safety or even life is at risk.

You must inform the police to report your first experience of stalking behaviour.

You must record all activity and all incidents in minute detail and that includes recording telephone calls, keeping answer machine messages and texts on your smart phone and any video evidence must also be kept.

Seek legal advice on filing a restraining order.

Make sure you are not alone when you go out and request the company of a strong and capable companion to protect you.

Many people who have experienced stalking have obtained a canine companion as a guard dog.

Do not make any contact with the stalker in any situations. You will also be told this by any legal adviser.

Initially you must firmly and calmly record yourself stating to them that they must cease all contact if they are in front of you.

Wherever it is legal to do so, increase your personal protection whatever the law of the land allows you to do.

It would also be helpful for you to undertake some form of research into the psychology of the stalker’s mind and some basic traits will appear to you to be a revelation or an eye-opener.

For example, most stalkers irrespective of who they are and what relationship they have had with you, want and need attention/a reaction which is mostly negative but can be positive as well.

They may also know especially by your reactions or previous reactions, your vulnerabilities, your insecurities and your weaknesses.

Because most stalkers are experienced in their own suffering of insecurities, self-doubts and vulnerability and a lot of the stalking power base behaviour is coming from their own fears and inadequacies along with their past traumas, hurt and pain.

Please be aware that before you openly discuss and disclose your current situation with friends and family and loved ones they will naturally and understandably want to confront the stalker and this can lead to threats of violence and challenging them which could land them in court for assault or just verbal threats.

The only people that should conforms the stalker is the police.

If children are involved, property and assets or even a business then all communication must be done through a third party at some meeting or exchange point or location.

You should never meet the person doing the stalking at their residence or place of business etc.

If you bump into the stalker accidentally or on purpose, you must remain in a confident position, make eye contact and stay calm and don’t react.

Do not show any weakness or fear as the stalker often feeds off this reaction, empowers them and fulfils their need for that reaction.

Seek shelter or safety amongst members of the public immediately.

If you are within the UK, you are not allowed to carry any form of self-defense items other than any distress type air horn noise canister which emits a screeching sound which can be easily purchased off the Amazon website.

Also ensure that any of your friends or family make no contact with the stalker or hand over, directly or indirectly any form of information or give feedback as to your current state of mind or even location and whereabouts.

Again, this ties in with their need for a reaction and feedback as to their progress in their own stalking journey, what they get out of it and so on.

When travelling, safety is essential.

When travelling either on public transport or in a car going to familiar locations such as your workplace, visiting friends or going to gymnasium it is important that you change your routine and drive a different way and travel at a different time to what you normally would.

Unfortunately, these changes are essential and will be the negative downside of the effect of the stalker as you have to put yourself out to do things differently.

Another important point to note is to consider replacing your telephone number and destroying your existing one even if that puts you out and breaks all immediate contact with your outer circle of friends.

If you can afford it, fit a body camera to your shoulder or chest area and switch it on before you leave your premises or go out.

Make sure your phone is switched on and you have important numbers to the police or friends and family set on speed dial.

Don’t go out in public alone without someone by your side at all times.

Finally . . .

People often take stalking lightly and misunderstand the seriousness of the stalker’s behaviour.

Most people who have had a simple broken relationship with their partner have experienced excess telephone calls and knocks at the door which can be distressing and unnerving but not a threat to safety or life.

This often subsides and that an x-partner realises their relationship is really over.

The common perception of a stalker is often the stereotypical psychotic or mentally ill and deranged person who terrorises famous celebrities only.

This is further from the truth as most stalkers have two sides to their personality, the one being very disturbed and in need of revenge and or sadistic fulfilment.

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