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Domestic violence within a relationship or the family unit is more active and common than the majority of the population are aware of.

After careful analysis by psychologists one common trait repeats itself over and over is that all the abusers have domineering and controlling behaviour over their partners due to deep-seated unhappiness with their own sense of worth and fears of rejection or abandonment.

Deep at the heart of domestic abuse, violence and control is a fear of rejection and abandonment in most abusers although perhaps not all.

Relationships all around the world in all cultures and countries from Russia to France to the UK over to the poles, you will find controlling, abusive coercive violence and controlling behaviour.

Causes for domestic violence are varied, but the deep-seated or subconscious fear of being left, rejected, abandoned or replaced by another partner or lovers is high.

An abuser can be anyone within the family unit, male-female brother, sister, aunt or uncle or commonly also parents.

One thing that we know is that fear in themselves about their own value and worth playing a huge part in the driving forces behind this behaviour.

Many abusers in relationships can be coercive and controlling for various reasons which can include not allowing others to have the right to be themselves, for them to not to let their hair down and go out for a meal or a drink with a friend or go out and have fun at a bar or socialise with other friends.

Other reasons can include past hurt and pain from past relationships, unresolved trauma which can include unfaithfulness, rejection, being lied to or embarrassed or even being abused themselves.

Some abusers are lacking in strong self-worth or value for themselves and therefore will bring down their partner in ways that lowers their self-esteem which ultimately leads to the victim within any partnership or marriage in developing a reliance and dependency with the abuser.

Some people feel the need for superiority and self-importance to dominate and control others which ensures that the other person is reliant, vulnerable and dependent on the abuser.

Some may say it’s a bit like a slave and master scenario.

Within the family setting, domestic violence is usually a very private affair and often occurring behind the closed door.

Specifically defining domestic violence is an edgy and tricky issue for various reasons.

For example, actually threatening someone can be a very subtle behaviour that others cannot see and can easily be misconstrued for other things such as the person is annoyed, didn’t get a good night’s sleep or had one too many drinks.

There are also many variations of domestic violence which can be emotional, sexual, psychological, financial, slave driven, and commonly known as violence towards a partner.

Domestic violence behaviour is often caried out by each party in any kind of relationship. It’s not just men now!

Ways to reduce domestic violence.

When a person states that they are or have been subject to domestic violence from their partner it important that you believe them.

Offer encouragement and support without judgement and if possible, help create a plan of safety or even escape.

Help to make contact with a professional organisation or refuge which takes in people and children from a domestic violence setting or relationship and has all the resources in place to do it in the most professional covert, stealth like manner.

It’s important to know the signs of domestic violence in a relationship as it can happen to anybody from the rich to the poor, sick to the healthy.

Inform the abused person that you are free to support them if they need to talk.

It is also important for legal reasons to keep a document or a book of every incidence of assault or attack including injury.

This record is often called a book of record keeping and it can be used to assist the police and the courts.

To learn more about domestic violence and the psychology, feelings and emotions behind the behaviour, please see our domestic violence course.

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